


aminin ang mga lihim (sana di magbago ang pagtingin)

by Tianyiii



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Scar Kissing, Some mentions of violence, Trans Claude von Riegan, Trans Male Character, i should be doing hw but i wrote this instead, kinda OOC, probably inaccurate depictions of trauma, set around mid-timeskip to post-timeskip, spoilers for claude's backstory, tw for acid burns and stab wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 12:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20407768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tianyiii/pseuds/Tianyiii
Summary: And he’s not ready. He’s not ready to tell Lorenz about his past, his origins, and most of all, his true identity.(Title Translation: i will admit my secrets (i hope your perceptions won't change))





	aminin ang mga lihim (sana di magbago ang pagtingin)

“Claude?” Lorenz’s voice is filled with surprise and concern.

_Crap._ Claude thought. _He's going to see my scars._

He completely forgot about the fact that it’s the first time he’s stripping in front of someone who doesn’t know his past. Thankfully his back is turned to Lorenz right now. He doesn’t have to see his pity. Yet.

“You...you have quite a lot of scars…,” Lorenz observed. 

“Well, I know that.” Claude deadpanned, shirt in his hands. 

He can feel the shame and pain of his scars settle on his skin once again. He’ll have to explain his past to Lorenz. He has to relive each incident again. He has to deal with whatever prejudice Lorenz has learned to believe.

“Claude…”

And he’s not ready. He’s not ready to tell Lorenz about his past, his origins, and most of all, his true identity.

Claude put his shirt onto his chair. He turned around to see Lorenz sitting on his bed. He walked towards him. Each step is a challenge. 

Goddess, why is this happening? He wants to run away and hide. He wants to turn back time and make sure this moment never happens. 

Claude stopped in front of Lorenz. “Can I touch them?” Lorenz asked softly.

Claude nodded. He doesn’t trust himself to speak right now. He doesn’t want to lash out at his lover about the trauma. 

“Do they still hurt?” Lorenz asked, lightly tracing on one of his scars with his finger.

“They don’t anymore.” Claude answered. He sat down next to Lorenz on the bed. It’s soft, and big. It still has the same comfort as it did five years ago. His usual messy pile of books are gone. “I don’t even feel some of them anymore.” He added.

The tension in the room was thick, it almost felt tangible. Lorenz was quiet as he observed the burns and wounds and scars on Claude’s chest. 

_It’s now or never._ Claude thinks. _He deserves to know._

“Once upon a time, in a faraway place.” Claude started. “There was a boy who came from a despised lineage. His mother was the daughter of the enemy. So the young boy was treated horribly by everyone around him.” 

Lorenz caught on, but he said nothing. He was listening, ready to learn whatever Claude’s past is. Claude hoped that nothing would change between them after this.

“He hadn’t done anything wrong.” Claude continued, his voice weak. Lorenz lied down on the bed and Claude followed him. “Everyone hated him simply for existing. Yelling, fighting back, explaining himself...nothing he did could change his situation.”

Claude stared at the ceiling. “When he was finally old enough, he ran far away from home. He escaped. After he ran away, he still found himself in the same situation. People in the outside world hated him for where he came from.”

He felt Lorenz tracing his scars again. It was quite comforting, actually.

“The boy had no place to go. All he could do was destroy the boundary between the inside and the outside world.” 

“Claude,” Lorenz said, his voice of concern and pain. Claude finally turned and faced him.

His face was of shame, hurt, and sadness. “I apologize.” Lorenz said. He’s looking away from Claude, too ashamed to face him directly. “I apologize for all of those things I’ve said. I have been raised to despise anyone who’s different, to see them as monsters instead of humans.”

“Lorenz, it’s fine.” Claude cupped Lorenz’s cheeks, making him look at him. Goddess, his eyes were the most beautiful shade of purple he’s ever seen. 

“You didn’t know until this moment. Besides, your words were nothing. I’ve heard much worse things, experienced more pain than those statements you made years ago.” 

Claude kissed him on the lips. It was short and sweet.

“I still do feel awful for holding prejudices and making such statements.” 

“That was five years ago. You’ve changed for the better. That’s what matters.”

“Still, I wish to make it up to you,” Lorenz said. He sat up. “I want to kiss your scars as an apology.”

Claude felt his mouth shape into a smile by itself. He kissed Lorenz’s forehead. 

“Go ahead.”

Lorenz peppered short kisses onto Claude’s skin. He starts with the burns on his shoulder. Claude doesn’t feel anything but his heart still flutters. He placed his hand in Lorenz’s long hair, stroking it softly. 

“Where did these burns come from? You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful.”

Claude sighed. His mind automatically flashes back to the memory. He was just recognized as the legitimate heir to the Almyran throne. A lot of Almyran nobles didn’t take the news too well, so he ordered one of his servants to throw acid at Claude’s face. He missed and hit his back and shoulder instead. It felt like liquid fire on his skin. It was the worst pain he ever felt.

“You are beautiful even with these scars.” Lorenz muttered. Claude felt his face flush. 

Lorenz moves onto the scars under his nipple. He kisses them softly. They both know, but don’t mention it. There is no need to talk about it.

He placed one final kiss over the stab wound that’s nearest to his heart. His kiss was feather light. Claude’s heart fluttered again. He never felt so positive about his scars before.

“I remember that a hired assassin stabbed me. She ran away and left me for dead. She was off by a few inches. If her aim was better, I would’ve died.”

“I am thankful that she was off by a few inches.” Lorenz commented. “Or else we never would have met.” 

He lied back down the bed, next to Claude. Claude turned to face Lorenz. Lorenz's arms embraced Claude’s waist. He instantly felt warmer at Lorenz’s touch. 

“Now let’s go to sleep, we have a big day tomorrow.”

He gave Lorenz a quick peck on the lips. “Good night, Lorenz.”

“Good night, Claude.”

**Author's Note:**

> title is from [pagtingin by ben&ben.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfQ_Fisto-8) [(english translation of the song)](https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Ben-Ben-3/Pagtingin/translation/english)
> 
> scar headcanons are by kyleenim! [here](https://twitter.com/kyleenim/status/1165454784977166336) is the original source. (tw for scars and acid burns)
> 
> i’m kinda rusty at writing but there's a lack of claurenz fics so i have to do everything myself. i'm so soft for these two it's ridiculous
> 
> i have to mention that lorenz may be ooc here bc i just can’t see him being his usual annoyed self at claude when he’s telling him about his backstory.
> 
> i’m sorry if i depicted the trauma wrongly. i’m not a doctor or psychologist by any means. i’ll definitely try better next time.
> 
> my twitter is @tianyiii_l let's talk about claurenz and golden deer in general.


End file.
